Damned
by sidlelove
Summary: Once upon a time, Catherine and Sara dated. But now things have changed and there are too many unanswered questions. C/S pairing, if it's not your thing just don't read it. M for content and language


**Damned**

**Urm...i got bored, and nothing was coming for the other story so might as well right? I wasn't really going to post this one coz i'm not that happy with it. but i was told that i should and can't say no to that. so here you go, hope you guys like it. **

**story is set during the time Det Vartann asked Cath to move in with her.**

**To nic...u asked, so here u go.**

**Disclaimer: CSI characters are not mine, just borrowing them for a while...**

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Sara felt her headache increase as the lights of the lab hit her eyes. She hadn't slept in a while and with the alcohol she had drowned the previous night, the hangover wasn't helping the situation. Rubbing her temples wearily, she walked by the Trace lab to unfortunately have Hodges spot her.

"SARA," He called loudly making her halt at her tracks. Not because he was calling her but because she saw spots with the sudden sharp pain that pierced through her skull.

"Yes Hodges," Sara said in between gritted teeth. Her annoyed body language didn't seem to make a difference to him because he was still giving her his usual smug smile.

"So do you know?" Hodges asked excitedly. He looked as if he was a little boy during Christmas morning.

"You need to be a bit more specific Hodges," Sara rolled her eyes. "I think I know a few things in this world yes."

"About Catherine and Detective Vartann," Hodges hopped on his spot a little with excitement. Sara however froze.

Her mind was on over drive. The thought of Catherine with someone else was something she didn't want to think of. And it was with someone she actually knew and that made the thought totally unbearable for Sara. Sure it had been a few years since she broke up with Catherine and she was married to Grissom now. But that didn't mean that she stopped loving the blonde. And seeing Catherine with someone else was never something she neither liked to do nor enjoyed. It saddened her.

"Sara?" Hodges's voice rang through her ears making Sara snap out of her thoughts.

"What?" Sara asked irritably.

"I said, do you think they'll work out if they move in together?" Hodges asked loving the smell of gossip in the air.

"They are moving in together?" Sara felt as if a load of bricks fell on top of her.

"Detective Vartann asked her, I don't think she agreed yet," Hodges said with a cheeky smile. "You think she will agree?"

"I don't know Hodges," Sara snapped. "It's her business not yours or mine. So stay out of it if you can?"

Without waiting for his response, Sara walked away in a hurried pace. As soon as she walked into the locker room, she banged her hands on the lockers emitting a loud sound. She pressed her forehead on her locker, closing her eyes with tire.

"She's moving in with him," Sara mumbled to herself. "Fuck, fuck, fuck." Sara banged his head with every word that escaped her lips. She dropped onto the bench and ran her fingers through her hair. Just then her phone rang annoying her even more.

"Hello?" Sara answered in a bored tone.

"Hey, at work?" Grissom's voice came from the other line. Strangely, instead of calming her down he just annoyed her.

"Yeah, I just got here," Sara sighed. "How's it going there?"

"Quite exciting," Grissom kept it short as if knowing that Sara had no interest in hearing the details of what he was doing considering it was almost the mid of night for her.

"Great," Sara said shortly.

"Are you alright honey?" Grissom asked warmly.

"Yeah, I didn't get much sleep," Sara said softly. It wasn't technically a lie since she really hadn't slept well.

"Okay," Grissom said, not knowing what else to say.

"I'll call you later Gil, I have to get to work," Sara lied again. She didn't want to talk or listen to anyone at the moment. As much as she hated being stuck in her own mind, she wanted nothing but just that for now.

"Alright then," Grissom sighed heavily. "I miss you honey."

"Yeah you too," Sara said quickly and hung up before the man could say anything else.

Sara wanted to throw her phone at the wall but she resisted the temptation. Her mind filled with all the wonderful times she spent with Catherine, holding her hand, kissing her delicious lips, loving every inch of her luscious body, making her laugh and even just sitting next to her, holding her hand. She missed every minute of it and she wanted to throw herself off a tall building for throwing it all away. Half of the time she couldn't remember why she did it. But whether she remembered or even wanted to do it or not, she still did it. And now her life was in a state of turmoil she couldn't get out from.

"Sara?" Greg's voice came from the doorway bringing Sara back to reality. The younger man stared at her with worry.

"Hey Greg," Sara smiled and got up, opening her locker. "You're early."

"No, I'm right on dot," Greg took his jacket off and put it in his locker and checking his watch to make sure. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I guess I lost the track of time," Sara gave the man a false chuckle hoping he'd buy it. "How have you been? I haven't seen you in a while." She changed the subject.

"I've been good," Greg smiled mischievously. "I've had a lot of nights off so it has been a lot of fun."

"I don't think I want to know what kind of fun you've had," Sara closed the locker door and smiled.

"I'm not that bad," Greg winked and followed her suit, closing the locker.

They both headed out to the break room to get their assignments while Sara tried to ignore Greg's wild stories. Sara had her head dropped, with her hands in her pocket and bobbing her head to music only she could hear. Just as they stepped into the room, Sara's eyes darted to the blonde sitting on the couch, her legs crossed and her eyes covered behind her reading glasses. Sara felt her breath being taken away by just looking at Catherine.

"Everyone here?" Catherine asked ripping her eyes off the file she was reading and looking around the room. She gave Sara a soft smile when her eyes stopped at the brunette frozen at her tracks.

"Can we get some coffee first boss?" Greg whined turning on the machine.

"Can I pass out the assignments and go with my night? You can start off after coffee," Catherine raised an eyebrow at the younger man who smiled sheepishly.

Sara managed to smile at Catherine's words. She crossed her arms and leaned on the wall, watching Catherine read out the assignments to the rest of the team. As soon as Catherine turned to Sara, the brunette froze again.

"And Sara, you're with me," She said softly, as if there was something hidden between her words. Or maybe it was because Sara wanted something more than just those words. "I'll meet you at the car in 5?" She asked at which Sara nodded taking the assignment slip from the blonde.

Catherine smiled and walked out of the room, Sara's eyes not leaving her until she disappeared around the corner. With a sigh, Sara turned to the room to see all eyes fixed on her.

"What?" Sara asked looking down at herself. "Do I have something on my face?"

"Yeah," Greg nodded with a sneaky grin. "That you're still not over her."

Sara saw Langston's eyes grow wide over the newspaper he was reading. Of course, other than Grissom, he was the only one who didn't know about her and Catherine. Nick and Greg used to come to their rescue anytime they were close to getting caught by Grissom or anyone else for that matter.

"Excuse me?" Sara said grabbing a freshly brewed cup of coffee.

"You are not over Catherine," Greg said clearly as if he had spoken a different language the previous time.

"I so am," Sara said sounding very much like a little kid.

"Hold on, you and Catherine?" Langston put down his paper finally, finding the conversation very interesting. Sara sighed heavily realizing that she really should leave before this became a whole intervention.

"Oh she hit that for more than a year," Greg said making Sara want to kick him for sounding so shallow.

"Way to make it sound like a freaking joke," Sara rolled her eyes and gulped down half of the coffee, burning her tongue in the process.

"This is very fascinating," Langston said with a smile. But before he could speak again, Sara put down her coffee cup and headed to the door.

"I'm not going to talk about this," She called from the door and hurried to get her kit before anyone could reply to her.

Huffing about not having a personal space in the workplace, Sara walked into the lockers to bump into Catherine walking out.

"Whoa slow down Sara, where's the fire?" Catherine asked with her hands on Sara's shoulder.

Sara tried to think of something to say but all she could see was the Catherine was standing inches from her with her hands on her shoulder. She wanted to kick herself for being so pathetic to go blank anytime Catherine got near her but she didn't think she had a choice.

"Sorry," She stated simply with a soft smile.

"It's okay," Catherine chuckled and patted on the brunette's shoulder and backed off a bit. "Since we're here together, might as well go together?"

"Sure," Sara nodded and slipped past Catherine to grab her things from the locker. She felt Catherine's eyes on her the whole time making her feel really uncomfortable.

"Are you alright Sara?" Catherine asked just when Sara closed the locker.

"Yeah," Sara answered shortly and gave her an assuring smile at which Catherine nodded. Sara knew that Catherine didn't buy it but she was glad that the blonde didn't pursue the conversation.

Soon, Sara was driving both of them to their crime scene. There was a deafening silence in the car that was slowly suffocating Sara yet she kept her mouth shut. She knew that any conversation she had with Catherine would not end good in the mindset she was in at the moment.

"Can I ask you something?" Catherine asked softly. Sara felt her heart jump anticipating the topic of that question.

"About?" Sara asked trying not to sound rude. She felt Catherine turned her head towards her but she just kept her eyes on the road.

"Never mind," Catherine sighed after a few seconds.

Sara scrunched her face at herself for not having her feelings at bay to even have a civil conversation with Catherine. She couldn't imagine how Catherine must have felt when she married Grissom but anytime she wanted any help from the blonde, she always came through. She couldn't help but feel selfish but she also didn't want to hurt Catherine by saying something really stupid either. In short, she was just caught between a rock and a hard place.

"You can ask me Cath," Sara said after contemplating for a few seconds. Hopefully she would be able to not let her feelings come in between her friendship between her and Catherine.

"It's okay," Catherine shook her head at Sara sighed.

"Come on, you must have wanted to ask something?" Sara pursued against her will.

"Well…urm okay," Catherine shifted in her seat. "It's about Lou."

"Okay?" Sara said gulping down loudly. She was surprised that she didn't know the man's first name up until now.

"He asked me to move in with him," Catherine manage to say with extreme difficulty.

"And?" Sara asked since the piece of information was not new to her. She knew Catherine was giving her the same look she gives anyone she has too many questions in her mind. Sara smiled and turned to Catherine while she stopped at the light. "Hodges has a big mouth," She shrugged playfully.

"I'm going to kill him," Catherine groaned angrily.

"Well there's nothing called a private life in the lab so I guess you didn't have a chance to keep it quiet," Sara said driving off again. "So he asked you to move in with him? What's the problem?" She asked diverting back to the original topic. She was quite proud of herself for keeping calm even until then.

"I just think it's too damn fast," Catherine exclaimed showing Sara how much it was freaking her out. "I mean you know me, I don't do this whole serious relationship thing so good."

"Of course you do," Sara said with a chuckle. _You did with me. _She added in her head.

"Not with people I am not sure I even have feelings for," Catherine mumbled softly.

"Then tell him that," Sara stated simply. "If he likes you, I'm sure he can wait until you're ready."

"I know that," Catherine sighed heavily. "I just, I don't think I'll ever be ready that's all. And it wouldn't be fair for me to keep him waiting."

Sara almost hit the brakes really hard but she managed to keep her calm. She scrunched her face in thought and gulped down loudly. She opened her mouth and closed it again trying to find the right words to say next.

"Urm…why do you think you wouldn't be ready?" Sara asked softly. "He's a good guy right?"

"He is, he's wonderful," Catherine said quickly making Sara gag within. "I don't think I'll ever love him though."

"You don't have to love someone to make a relationship work," Sara said softly. The deafening silence filled the car again making Sara wonder what happened to Catherine. She slowly turned her head towards Catherine to see the blonde giving her a 'what-the-hell-are-you-talking-about' look.

"You need to love someone to be happy in a relationship though," Catherine pointed out making Sara shake her head and turn her eyes to the road again.

"As long as you get along with them and like them even, you'll be fine," Sara shared her opinion. She knew it was stupid but that was her opinion and she liked it.

"Is that what you were doing with me? Just tolerating me?" Catherine asked softly, this time making Sara actually hit the brakes involuntarily.

"Sorry," Sara said gaining back her pose. "And no, I loved you. So tolerating you was minimal because I loved being with you."

"But you still ended it," Catherine spat spitefully.

"Cath…" Sara started to say something but she was cut short.

"It's fine, we both have moved on from it," Catherine sighed again. _Yeah right. _Both women thought to themselves. "Anyway, I just think if I moved in with Lou, what we have will be messed up."

"You don't know whether you won't love him," Sara said seriously. "He just might be able to change your mind. So just tell him you're not ready yet. He'll understand."

"I guess," Catherine said softly. And Sara knew that it was the end of that conversation.

They sat in silence until they reached the crime scene. To make things worse, when they both reached the scene, Detective Vartann was waiting for them.

"Hey," He gave a cheesy smile at Catherine who nodded and slipped past him to the body. He nodded warmly at Sara who tried to give him a smile that didn't say she was nauseated by just seeing him.

"Vic's name is Jerry Powell, 25. He's from Ohio, here on a business conference," Vartann briefed the two CSI's who were checking out the body. "Room is registered to him but there's a purse on the nightstand so I'm going to talk to the manager to try and find if he had company."

"Okay thanks Lou," Catherine said without taking her eyes off the body.

"Can I talk to you for a sec?" Vartann's voice came uncomfortably. Sara didn't turn around knowing he was asking Catherine. "Sara?" Her name made Sara turn her head really fast. "Can I talk to you?"

Sara turned to Catherine with a confused look at which the blonde shrugged. She looked as confused as Sara.

"Sure," Sara put down her kit and her camera on the floor before following the man out of the room. "What's up?" She asked quickly hoping the conversation would be over soon.

"Urm, I don't know why I'm asking you this but since you're the only other female on the team, I thought it made sense," Vartann spoke really fast reminding Sara a bit of herself.

"Ask me what?" Sara squinted her eyes at the man who was actually sweating.

"See, I asked Cath to move in with me," Vartann repeated the statement Sara had been hearing all day. Frankly, it was slightly pissing her off. "I just wanted to ask you what she thought about it."

"How would I know?" Sara shrugged calmly trying to look innocent.

"Well women talk to each other about stuff like this right?" Vartann shrugged. "And Cath told me that you're one of her closest friends, so I assumed…" He trailed off.

"I really think you should talk to her about it," Sara shifted on her spot uncomfortably. "It's not my place to say what she thinks right?"

"I just wanted a little heads up on what to expect," Vartann sounded desperate. He really must like her, which made the situation much worse for Sara.

"You really should talk to her," Sara said quickly. "And I should get back to work."

"She's not going to do it is she?" Vartann's face dropped reminding Sara of a little boy.

"I really don't know," Sara shrugged before turning towards the room. "Sorry."

"No problem," Vartann called with a warm smile. Sara actually felt bad for not smiling back at him.

As soon as Sara walked into the room, Catherine stopped taking pictures of the bludgeoned man laying on the floor giving her all the attention. Sara just smiled and opened her kit to start processing the room.

"What was that about?" Catherine asked curiously.

"You guys should talk to each other rather than putting me in the middle," Sara sighed.

"What did he want to know?" Catherine didn't let it go making Sara grit her teeth.

"Whether you were going to move in with him or not," Sara put on her gloves. "And don't worry, I didn't tell him anything."

"Why was he asking you?" Catherine said this time making Sara stand up with tire.

"Why don't you ask him?" She said a bit harshly than she anticipated. "Maybe because you said I'm a 'really close friend' of yours?"

"Well what did you expect me to tell him? That you're his competition?" Catherine retorted as angrily as Sara. But as soon as she said it, her eyes grew wide realizing what she had just implied.

"What?" Sara asked trying to confirm whether she heard right.

"Nothing," Catherine dismissed the conversation. "Let's just work okay?"

"Okay," Sara said knowing that she would not be able to make Catherine talk at the moment no matter how much she wanted.

The rest of the time they processed the scene, neither of them spoke unless it was absolutely necessary. After they were done, both of them headed to the lab again in complete silence which really was getting on Sara's nerves. But again, she kept quiet knowing it would be better for both of them. They tried to spend the day without being in the same room alone for too long. While Sara processed the victim's car, Catherine ran the DNA samples and listened to Hodges's snarky remarks about how Vartann asked her to move in with him.

It was a long shift for both women. As soon as Sara realized that shift was over, she hurried to the locker room to get her stuff and head home. To her misfortune, Catherine seemed to have had the same idea. Sara stopped at her tracks at the doorway staring at Catherine putting on her jacket.

"Hey," Sara said shortly before heading to her locker.

"Hey," Catherine answered as shortly. "Going home early?"

"Looks like you are too," Sara said grabbing her bag and closing the locker.

"I just wanna get home," Catherine slammed the locker shut harder than she realized.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Sara asked against her will.

"No, I'm not fucking okay," Catherine spat harshly. "I'll see you tomorrow Sara." With that she stormed out of the room without waiting for Sara to say anything.

"What the…" Sara said looking mortified at Catherine's reaction. "Women, I'll never get them," She shook her head and punched her locker before exiting the room and heading to the car.

While Sara drove home, Catherine was sitting in her car in the parking lot trying to calm herself down. She wasn't even sure why she was so angry but she knew it had something to do with Sara. She had told Vartann that she didn't want to risk what they had by moving in together and he seems to be taking it better than she had expected. But why was she feeling so angry? And why was she angry with Sara that much? She had made peace with the fact that Sara and she were over, but today all of it just hit her really hard today at the wrong time.

"I wanted to be with you," Catherine gripped the steering wheel tightly. Her mind was filled with the smile of Sara that was driving her insane.

"Not him, not anyone else but you. But YOU had to leave." She smacked the steering wheel hard as if it was Sara.

"And you act as if everything is okay," Catherine screamed loudly. "Everything is NOT okay, you damn selfish, freaking clueless idiot!"

"And you can't even tell me what the hell I did for you to leave," She smacked the wheel again. "Time for you at least answer that question Sara."

Catherine turned on the ignition and drove off, her destination clear in her head. She was angry with one person and it was time Sara faced her anger. She wasn't paying much attention to how fast she was driving either but she hoped that she wouldn't get pulled over because she would most probably bite off the head of anyone who passed her at the time.

Catherine almost headed to Sara's old apartment but remembering that she now lived in Grissom's townhouse, she turned her car around even angrier for remembering that simple fact. Too soon for her liking, she pulled over in front of the house. She stared at the lit windows which told her that Sara was awake, which was good for Catherine and really bad for Sara.

After trying to take a few deep breaths to calm down and failing miserably, Catherine got out of the car and headed to the front door. She shifted on her spot a few times before she rang the door bell and waited for Sara to answer. Within a few seconds, the door opened swiftly and there stood Sara looking confused as ever in a simple white tank top and boxer shorts. If Catherine wasn't angry as hell, she would have jumped on her.

"Catherine? What the hell are you doing here?" Sara asked checking the clock on the wall.

"I am here to get some answers from you," Catherine pointed a finger at Sara and stepped into the house without waiting for an invitation.

"Okay?" Sara closed the door behind her and followed Catherine down to the living room. "What answers do you want?"

"For one, what the fuck is the matter with you?" Catherine turned around without any notice making Sara bump into her. Catherine grabbed the collar of her tank top to stop both of their fall.

"What? What the hell are you talking about?" Sara said grabbing Catherine's waist to keep her balance.

"You, what is the damn matter with you?" Catherine pushed the tip of her index finger right above Sara's chest poking her hard.

"Nothing is the matter with me," Sara grabbed Catherine's wrist stopping her from poking her. "Are you drunk?"

"No, I'm perfectly sober," Catherine tried to free her hand but Sara was stronger. "You come in and act like everything is fine and dandy between us. That we're just friends and shit when you know nothing is going to be the same between us."

"What the hell am I supposed to do then? Do you want us to stop being friends?" Sara pushed Catherine back pushing her against the wooden pillar making sure she didn't let go of the blonde's wrist.

"That's it Sara," Catherine said gulping down loudly feeling very uncomfortable with the fact that she was stuck between the pillar and Sara. "We can't be friends. We just can't."

"Then what do you want?" Sara sighed finally letting go of Catherine's hand.

"I want us, the way we used to be," Catherine slapped on Sara's shoulder softly. "Why the hell did you end it Sar? I never understood it, we were so good together."

"We were but it wouldn't have worked out Cath," Sara said softly. "You know that. We both knew that. I didn't want to hurt you after we have gone through too much together."

"Newsflash, you did hurt me," Catherine glared at Sara who looked really sheepish. "And I will always be hurt by that."

"I'm sorry," Sara took Catherine's hand and entwined their fingers together. "I really am."

"You're sorry?" Catherine retorted angrily. "That's all you have to say to me?" She slapped Sara's chest right above her heart. "You throw away a fucking great relationship and all you have to say is sorry?"

"I don't know what else to say," Sara said a bit loudly.

"That is your fucking problem," Catherine pushed Sara away making her tumble backwards. "You never have anything to say. You are so damn selfish sometimes Sara freaking Sidle."

"Calm down Cath," Sara stepped forward with her hands raised in case Catherine tried to hit her again.

"No I will not fucking calm down," Catherine grabbed a notepad from the table and threw it at Sara who covered her face with her hand.

"What the hell," Sara looked at the notepad on the floor. "Why the hell didn't you say anything back then?"

"Because you never gave me a damn chance," Catherine took off her jacket and threw it at Sara who just looked at her confusedly. She couldn't get why Catherine took off her jacket, maybe because it was a bit too warm with her being so angry. "You just said it's over and fucking left to I don't fucking know where."

"I kept in touch with you," Sara exasperated loudly. "Why are you saying it now? Not back then?"

"Because you being my fucking friend showed me that that is not what I god damn want woman," Catherine stepped forward slightly scaring Sara who stepped back.

"You are not making sense Cath," Sara ran her fingers through her hair. "Please calm down."

"NO," Catherine screamed and grabbed a cushion from the couch throwing it at Sara who dodged it luckily. "You are going to tell me why you left me and went to him." She pointed at a picture of Grissom.

"Because it's my track record," Sara said loudly. "In the end, I always hurt the people I love, the ones I care about the most. And I loved you much more than to do that to you."

Sara stopped talking and watched Catherine standing in front of her, her hands on her hips and looking even angrier than before.

"WHAT?" Catherine gestured strangling something with her hand. "You broke up with me because you loved me too much?" Catherine said in an unbelieving tone at which Sara nodded. "Look who is not making sense now." She pointed at Sara angrily.

"It makes sense to me okay?" Sara said tiredly.

"When you are ending a relationship between two people, it has to make sense to both of us you idiot," Catherine slapped her own forehead with anger. "Or are you that damn clueless?"

"Why the hell is all this coming up now?" Sara stepped forward gesturing angrily with her hands. "I never wanted to leave you Cath. I loved you, I still freaking do. But I do not want to end up hurting you and I know I will."

"Because you're a fucking psychic?" Catherine stepped forward along with Sara closing in the gap between both of them.

"No because it is who I am," Sara put her hands on her waist and stopped at her tracks.

"That's a nice excuse," Catherine spat angrily.

"I do love you Catherine," Sara said warmly.

"Then you should have known that we could have worked it out somehow," Catherine slapped Sara's arm again. "Somehow, if you just talked to me we could have worked it out Sara." She slapped her hand again.

"Will you stop hitting me?" Sara rubbed the spot Catherine kept hitting her.

"No," Catherine slapped her arm again but this time Sara grabbed both her wrist tightly. "Let me go."

"No," Sara put Catherine's arms behind her own back pressing their bodies together in the process as well.

"Why are you scared when back then you had no problem letting me go huh?" Catherine said angrily.

"I'm really sorry Catherine, but you need to stop doing this," Sara whispered softly.

"You were scared of hurting me but you had no problem getting fucking married to him?" Catherine's voice was filled with hurt and spite.

"Because I don't love him," Sara shrugged. "Maybe because I don't have a problem with him getting hurt because of me."

"You are so fucking selfish," Catherine tried to get out of Sara's grip.

"Yes I am," Sara nodded. "So see why I broke up with you. We would have been great yes, but it wouldn't have worked out."

"That was not your decision to make," Catherine said loudly finally freeing her hands from Sara's grip. She started to slap Sara on wherever she could reach while Sara tried to cover her face from her hits.

"Stop, stop," Sara said in between hits.

She tried to grab Catherine hand but in the process she tumbled on the couch and fell on her back with a loud thud. And to her glee, that didn't stop Catherine. The blonde straddled her hips and kept hitting her saying things in the line of selfish, clueless, idiot and even charming. Finally, sick of playing nice, Sara pushed Catherine on the chest so that she fell on her back loudly. Sara grabbed Catherine's wrist and pinned her hands above her head.

"I said, stop," Sara said between gritted teeth, straddling Catherine's stomach.

"I fucking hate you right now," Catherine said a tear rolling down the side of her face. "I can't believe you didn't even have a good enough reason to break my heart. And then you walk in with a smile as if nothing happened."

"I'm sorry," Sara put her face close to Catherine's. "I wish I did things differently. I really do. Trust me, I'm paying for it. But there's nothing we can do now."

"Couldn't you have realized that earlier?" Catherine wriggled underneath Sara's grip. "You're supposed to be smart Sidle."

"I'm really sorry," Sara ran her nose over Catherine's. "I really am. Please stop asking me about all this."

"No," Catherine shook her head, her tears still running down the side of her face. "You are my life, you can't just take it away without any fucking reason and expect me to be okay with it."

"I don't expect that," Sara tilted her head slightly pressing her lips on Catherine's. It was as if they were calling out to her, she couldn't stay away. "But I don't want you out of my life or unhappy."

"Guess what? I am unhappy, I will always be," Catherine mumbled onto Sara's lips. "Without you, I always will be."

"Don't make this harder than it has to be," Sara softly bit Catherine's lip.

"NO," Catherine turned her head away from Sara's. "You can't say you're sorry and kiss me and think I'm going to be fine. No, that's now how it works."

"Okay, okay," Sara bit her lips and let go of one of Catherine's wrist and placed it on the blonde's cheek. She softly turned Catherine face towards her letting their noses brush against each other. Again her lips pushed against Catherine.

All of a sudden, Sara felt Catherine's palms on her cheeks slapping her hard. But she didn't pull away from the kiss. Not even when Catherine slapped her again and grabbed her cheek clawing her nails into Sara's skin. She still kept kissing Catherine. When Catherine hit her again, Sara grabbed the blonde's free wrist again and pinned it over her head.

"Stop it," Sara pulled away from Catherine's lips and held her down.

"Fuck you," Catherine grunted angrily.

"Stop fighting," Sara tried to balance herself on the blonde who kept wriggling underneath her.

"You can't solve everything with just one night Sara," Catherine spat at the brunette who sighed heavily, planting her feet on the floor making sure Catherine couldn't move.

"Then we'll not let it be just one night," Sara said calmly making Catherine frown.

"What the fuck has happened to you," Catherine tried to push the brunette off of her but failed.

But without answering her, Sara just kissed her. Her grip on Catherine's wrist tightened when she felt Catherine slightly open her mouth, softly reciprocating to the kiss. Sara slithered her free hand down Catherine's stomach and pushed it in the blonde's jeans, underneath her panties pushing her finger between her folds. Sara felt Catherine stiffen and try to push her legs together but that didn't stop Sara.

"Do you think this will solve everything?" Catherine asked softly trying not to moan. She grabbed the back of Sara's neck with her free hand and clawed her nails into her skin.

"Tell me to stop," Sara mumbled onto Catherine's lips. She traced her finger down Catherine's clit down her length pushing her finger into her with slight difficulty.

"Fuck," Catherine grunted, probably in pain since she grabbed Sara's hair tightly pulling on it hurting the brunette. Yet, Sara didn't stop.

"Tell…me…to….stop," Sara said in between soft bites down Catherine's cheek to her neck. She bit the blonde painfully on her neck while she pulled her finger out of her and pushed it back in making Catherine pull her hair hard with a groan.

"I hate you," Catherine grunted, involuntarily spreading her legs.

"I don't hear you saying stop," Sara smirked at the blonde who pulled her hair at her grin. Sara pulled her finger out of Catherine and ran it up to her clit, rubbing it softly between her fingers.

"Sara…" Catherine moaned letting go of any inhibitions she had, giving up to herself.

Without any notice, Sara pulled her hand out of Catherine's pants and stood up, pulling the blonde up with her. Sara grabbed Catherine by the back of her neck and rammed their lips together, kissing her forcefully. To her glee, Catherine reciprocated grabbing her waist tightly. With a smile, Sara grabbed Catherine by the ass and pulled her up, letting her wrap her legs around her body. Soon, Catherine was dropped onto the bed with Sara crawling on top of her pinning her arms over her head again.

"I've wanted to do this ever since I came back," Sara's voice was filled with lust and it was too familiar to Catherine. She loved it.

Before Catherine could say anything, Sara covered Catherine's lips with hers. She let go of Catherine's wrist and ran her hands down the blonde's arm down to her waist, pulling her t-shirt up. She threw the piece of clothing off the bed along with Catherine's bra leaving the blonde underneath her hungry gaze. With a smile, Sara bent down biting Catherine's already erect nipple softly. She felt Catherine heave her chest up making her grin as she devoured on her nipple one after the other until she was satisfied. All that time, Catherine kept grabbing her hair tightly, hurting her slightly. But she knew that Catherine was still angry, and when Catherine was angry, she was really fierce in bed. And Sara really liked it.

Sara looked up at Catherine's face to see her looking down at her. With a smile, Sara raked her hand down the blonde's stomach and ripped the pants and panties off of her body leaving Catherine naked.

"Take off your clothes," Catherine's said a bit harshly than she ever had. With a grin, Sara obliged and took off her clothing, throwing them on the floor.

Sara stared at Catherine while the blonde rested her body on her arms taking in every inch of her now naked body. Again, with the same smirk Sara grabbed one of Catherine's ankle and spread the blonde's legs apart. She ran her finger up Catherine's leg to her core, running it down her length feeling the slight wetness. Licking her lips anxiously, Sara made herself comfortable between Catherine's legs and ran her tongue down her opening. Catherine grabbed Sara by the shoulder when the brunette started to suck on her clit beautifully. Sara let her lips tease the blonde at the right places, lapping on her juices as she went and curling her tongue in Catherine's now very wet opening making the blonde wither with every passing second. Maybe because she had missed Sara so much or because no one has been able to make her come in a long time, it didn't take long for Catherine's to come.

Just when Catherine's orgasm hit, Sara pushed three fingers inside the blonde hard making Catherine scream both in pleasure and pain. She tried to back away from Sara's fingers but the brunette held Catherine's waist down making sure she couldn't move away from her. Instead she just fucked the blonde in a fast, steady rhythm as she licked her way up Catherine's stomach, up her breasts and to her lips.

"You're tight," Sara whispered onto the blonde's lips. "And here I thought you had been getting laid regularly."

With an angry look, Catherine lifted her upper body up leaning on her hands letting Sara straddle her thigh.

"Fuck you," Catherine slapped Sara on the chest all the while trying to prolong the pleasure she was in. "He fucks me just fine."

"Can he make you come the way I do?" Sara grunted, pushing her thumb on Catherine's clit while she moved her fingers in and out her rapidly. She bit Catherine's lips hard knowing it would leave a mark.

"Ah…damn you…" Catherine threw her head back, gripping Sara's shoulder tightly.

"Answer the question," Sara curled her fingers in Catherine, pushing her fingers deeper in. She was enjoying the look on Catherine's face between pleasure and annoyance. When Catherine didn't say anything instead just bit her lips, Sara grabbed the back of Catherine's neck along with some of her hair and pulled it back harshly. "Answer me."

"No," Catherine groaned in pain. "Happy?" She looked into Sara's eyes which twinkled with excitement.

"Oh yes," Sara kissed Catherine fiercely biting her lips and feeling Catherine's teeth dig into her lips at the same time. Her shoulder started to sting from Catherine's grip but she didn't complain. But she did not let go of Catherine's hair.

Catherine wasn't able to hold her orgasm from hitting her again for too long. She threw her head back and let out a soft scream as her body rocked with Sara's fingers. She felt her body spasm for a few until she got back control over it making her flop onto her back. She slowly opened her eyes when she felt Sara crawl on top of her and placed a soft kiss on her cheek.

"You doing okay?" Sara whispered onto Catherine's ear, biting on her earlobe.

Catherine felt an anger jolt inside her. Without any notice, she pushed Sara onto her back and got on top of the brunette who looked a bit shocked. She softly pushed her knee onto Sara's stomach while she held one of Sara's hands down on the bed.

"Didn't I tell you already that I will not be okay?" She placed her hand on Sara's cheek running her thumb roughly over the brunette's lips.

"But…" Sara tried to speak but Catherine squeezed her cheeks shutting her up.

"This…" Catherine ran her hand down Sara's cheek, to her neck, over her breasts and down her stomach and up again. "This was all mine for me to take," She said angrily. "But you, you took it all," She squeezed Sara's lips. "And gave it to him!" She exclaimed, pushing her knee harder onto Sara's stomach.

"Ow damn it Cath, that hurts," Sara tried to push Catherine off balance with one hand but the blonde took hold of that hand and pinned her tightly.

"Good," Catherine bent down and bit Sara's lip painfully before kissing her. "You deserve it."

Catherine smirked onto Sara's lips before she freed one of Sara's hands. She ran her hand down Sara's face and down to her breast. She made sure she looked straight into Sara's eyes as she painfully twisted the brunette's nipple between her fingers. Sara closed her eyes shut with the mixture of pain and pleasure.

"Don't you dare close your eyes," Catherine snapped making Sara jolt her eyes open. "You are going to look into my eyes and see exactly what you let go." She bit her lips after she spoke.

Sara took in a deep breath at which Catherine smiled. She kept teasing Sara's nipple, pinching it and twisting it until she decided that it was enough. She slithered her hand roughly down the brunette's stomach and pushed two fingers into her very opening without stopping to give Sara a chance to adjust.

"Fuck," Sara groaned and closed her eyes, throwing her head back. But Catherine grabbed her by the neck and made her look at her again.

"I told you to not close your eyes," Catherine said with a smirk which made Sara roll her eyes.

"Let's see how easy it is for you to do that," Sara mumbled softly before her hand pushed between Catherine's legs. Her fingers teased Catherine's clit before her two fingers pushed deep into the blonde.

"Hmmm…" Catherine hummed as she moved her hips riding Sara's fingers while she fucked the brunette at the same time.

Catherine leaned forward, letting go of Sara's wrist so that she could hold herself up over the writhing brunette underneath her. She stared right into Sara's eyes, her deep blue eyes dilated with pleasure and her lips trapped between her teeth trying not to close her eyes. She felt Sara's now free hand raking down her back, clearly leaving marks but she could take care of them later. She bent down and kissed Sara on her neck before biting her firmly marking her as hers.

Catherine jumped slightly when she felt Sara's thumb on her clit and her hand on her breast, kneading it roughly. She tried to keep the rhythm of her fingers pumping in and out of Sara steady while her orgasm built slowly.

"Gonna cum," Sara managed to say between gritted teeth, her grip on Catherine's breast tightening and her fingers automatically curling inside the blonde. But she did manage to keep her eyes open.

"That's it," Catherine said in between deep breaths. She felt Sara tighten around her fingers and her mouth opened slightly letting out a loud moan, her waist heaving upwards trying to get Catherine's fingers deeper into her.

Catherine stared down at the sight mesmerized at how much she enjoyed it. She felt her body start to give up on her, her orgasm hitting her hard and a bit unexpected. Her hips moved faster than it had in a while and she saw that Sara was enjoying it very much. The brunette held her waist throughout her orgasm watching every move of the blonde. When she calmed down, Catherine dropped next to Sara breathing as heavily as the brunette.

But then, something hit Catherine, really hard.

"Fuck," Catherine swore loudly before sitting up, covering her face.

"What?" Sara followed her suit sitting up, putting her hand on Catherine's back.

"No don't touch me," Catherine jumped off the bed, grabbing her clothes hurriedly. "I can't believe I let this happen."

"Hey hey what?" Sara sat on the bed confused.

"What? WHAT? You're asking me what?" Catherine retorted loudly while putting on her pants.

"Yeah?" Sara asked softly.

"You're fucking married Sara," Catherine put her shirt on and headed for the door. "That's what." She said before closing the bedroom door behind her.

"WAIT," Sara grabbed her shorts and ran to the door while putting it on. She saw Catherine practically running to the door with her jacket on her hands. "Catherine, wait."

Sara called from the living room but without one look, Catherine walked out of the house, slamming the door behind her leaving Sara dumbfounded, angry and extremely depressed.

_Damn it. _

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_**thanks for reading. lemme no what you thought...helps a lot with the inspiration part ;)**_  
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